I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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