you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
