mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
