OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
