I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
