Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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