when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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