YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
