you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
