Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
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I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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