i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
