i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
