I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
two words...techno handjob
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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