Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize