I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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