conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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