he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize