Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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