How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
