There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
