Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
