im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
