I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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