oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you never un-have a 4some
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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