my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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