Who did Billy Mays play for?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
