K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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