So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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