k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
