You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
