I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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