he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
