How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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