WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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