"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
