So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
