the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
