I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
