I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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