you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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