If i come over, it means nothing
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
