There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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