her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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