i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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