i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
