At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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