hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
