the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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