We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
