Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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