Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
