I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
