He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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