what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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