I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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