my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
