I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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