she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
