Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You smell like stripper and shame
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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