I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
