every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
