She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
