My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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