Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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