I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
