I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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