Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize