are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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