I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
